Confessions of an Older, Wiser Version of a Hyper-emotional College Student

I was listening to my old band’s record today at work. It’d been a while since I listened to the songs, and even longer since I paid any attention to the lyrics. I thought suddenly that whoever wrote these lyrics must have been a moody, passionate, angry, delusional, pampered-yet-still-demanding, wet-behind-the-ears college student.

I remember being extremely proud (and protective (ok fine, defensive)) of my lyrics. I would work on them in class, at home, at work. I would steal lyrics from other songwriters that I admired. I would ask people to comment/critique them, and then blast them when I disagreed. And I always disagreed. Always.

I loved writing song lyrics back then. I thought it’s what I did best, and back then it probably was. And I think I was more passionate about songwriting—more serious about it, at least—than I am about songwriting now. to be sure, my new songs aren’t lacking honesty, but they’re definitely not as emotionally draining to listen to as the songs from the emo era.

I’m still proud of them, although I view some of them with more than a little regret; they are like a first tattoo, extremely earnest but ultimately a little silly.

Anyway, here are some choice nuggets of 20-year old wisdom:

• “Has it been so long since every word meant everything that we thought we might lose?”

Editor’s note:I’m not even sure how to parse this one myself, so don’t even try.

• “And now, if I had the chance to take it back, I’d take it back, from the first word forward…”

• “It’s a long drive home, and when everyone’s asleep we’re left alone to think how

• we only have the insult and the injury to share.”

• “If i counted all my sins, i’d find too many to forgive…”

At that point, I considered not recycling a sin. Or not giving a cigarette to someone who asked for one.

• “It’s times like these that make us aim for the throat and fight to the bone.”

The only fight I’ve ever been in was years later, and I got my ass kicked.

• “I want to scream “this is the urgency!”, and with our voices clear as church bells, like heaven’s choir of angels, I want to sing, and swear it on my knees: we cannot be born again, we just commit our crimes and hope that we forget.”

Note the mixed metaphor. Oh, why did I reference heaven’s angels when suggesting that heaven doesn’t exist?

• “It’s 5 A.M. when we pull over at the edge of the everglades— where the sun first hits the southern states…”

Slight scientific inaccuracy there; the sun doesn’t hit the southern part of anything first…particularly not west Florida.

• “Who we are is only what we fight for.”

Actually, I’m still fond of that one.